The Lover and The Loved

Many intimate relationships are based on mutual physical attraction. Sometimes however there is an obvious difference in scale of physical attraction. In these cases it is obvious who is the lover and who is the loved.


For the lover there is the obvious attraction to someone who is much more beautiful than them. For the loved the attraction may be less obvious. If the lover is very rich or influential then the attraction is likely to be the money or status that the loved gains. However part of the attraction will be that the loved enjoys the attention given by the lover. To be loved is better than to be unloved. To be loved can provide a sense of worth and can be pleasing in itself.


In order to maintain such a relationship it is important that the lover regularly shows their love towards the loved with extravagant gestures and gifts so there is no doubt as to the magnitude of the love. The spending or provision of large amounts of money by the lover may be involved.


The loved may have doubts of the love so that constant reassurance from the lover may be necessary, hence the need for regular gifts as love tokens. The lover may have doubts of acceptance by the loved who may find a new lover. The acceptance of the gifts can show acknowledge and acceptance of the love by the loved.


An obvious example is the sugar daddy relationship where the older man is wealthy and spends lots of money on his young love who enjoys the attention and security provided by the older man.


A less obvious example is the woman who falls in love with a gangster. In this case it may be the woman who is the lover and the man the loved. A gangster can be an attractive figure being so masculine and appearing so strong and powerful. He expects to be obeyed so that a lover who is submissive and giving will be be appealing regardless of actual beauty. He will enjoy the love given by the lover as confirmation of his status as a respected person despite his dubious methods.


It should be noted that there are attributes other than physical appearence that may be attractive such as being a good cook or a good homemaker. The emotional realtionship can be more important than the physical relationship for both men and women.


The relationship of the lover and the loved can be surprisingly strong as long they are willing to continue in their roles. It may be that the loved will find a new lover or even that the lover will find a new love, in which case the relationship will come to an end. However both may work hard to avoid this happening, the lover by being extravagant in gestures of love and the loved by showing gratitude for the love.


Children can be a complication in the relationship. The loved may have to compete for attention with the children and may not feel as loved as before. Similarly the lover may feel neglected as the loved is distracted by the children. However as long as the lover and the loved can maintain their roles alongside their role as parents, the relationship can continue.


Indeed what starts as the lover and the loved relationship may develop in a different, more mutual relationship with age as physical attraction becomes less important. Yet for some people it will always be a case of the lover and the loved to be maintained with each continuing with their roles until their deaths, even after the other has died.